evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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