I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
