if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Randomize