My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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