My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
