Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
