you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
