Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
