he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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