I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize