I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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