i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
