Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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