hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
