u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
