We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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