I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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