Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
