I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize