She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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