You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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