I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
