Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
