I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
