im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You need a sexual gate keeper
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
