I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
my poor anus
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
