trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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