We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
