I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
