i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
