We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
