I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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