I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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