My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
