you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
