i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
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