Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Randomize
