My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
