And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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