I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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