woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
