i permit you to call me
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
