Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
