Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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