i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The police scanner is talking about you again....
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
