just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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