Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
