Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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