i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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