i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize