Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
