Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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