so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
