capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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