Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
