You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
