so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Randomize
