ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
