billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
