I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I understand Curling. That high.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
