How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think your dad took our porno
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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