i would punch a child for taco bell
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize