i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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