...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
