she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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