After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
