you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
