Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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