this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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