What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
