Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
