Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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