So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
