I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
