I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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