why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Panties = found
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
