Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
