I hate your face
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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