So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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