My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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