I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
