NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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