You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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